Katlego Sekhu
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A listener shares that her husband covers the bond, levies, cars, and insurance, while she is responsible for school fees, groceries, and the children’s clothing.
At first, she understood the arrangement, but over time, she’s begun to feel it’s unfair that her husband allows her to “carry the load” despite earning significantly more.
She explains that her husband has a deep fear of going broke and rarely spends money on himself—or on the family beyond the basics.
Reaching out to The Best T in the City with Tbose, Anonymous says the imbalance is starting to strain their marriage and wonders whether her expectations are unreasonable.
“I’ve been married for ten years. We have two beautiful kids, a home, and from the outside, everything looks perfect – stable, peaceful, complete. But inside these walls, it feels different. Something shifted. Maybe he changed. Maybe we both did. After our second year of marriage, my husband became emotionally distant and financially selective. He covers the bond, levies, DST, his car, and insurance. That’s it.
“Everything else, school fees, groceries, clothes, outings, transport – falls on me. What stings most is that he earns far more than I do. At first, I thought maybe he was under financial pressure, or planning something for our future. But over the years, it’s become clear – he’s simply comfortable letting me carry the daily weight of our family. He doesn’t go out, doesn’t spoil himself, barely spends. He saves.
“Out of frustration, I spoke to his brother, hoping he could reach him. After they talked, my brother-in-law said something that stopped me: my husband has a deep fear of poverty. Growing up, they had nothing – and now, every rand he saves makes him feel safe, in control. I understand that… I really do. But it still feels unfair. While he’s saving for the future, I’m barely surviving the present. I feel like a single mother in a two-parent home.
“The emotional fatigue has started to spill into everything – even our intimacy. I’m not angry anymore; l’m just drained. When I bring it up, he keeps saying, “The house is paid, and we’re managing – what’s the problem?” The problem is, I’m not living, I’m just existing. I’ve stopped going out. I’ve stopped doing things for myself. I’m broke, not just financially, but emotionally. In trying to protect himself from poverty, he’s unknowingly forcing me to live like we’re poor… even when we’re not. Or could I be missing something more profound, a blind spot where love and trauma meet?”
To hear the full blind spot, listen to the podcast.
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The post ‘My husband’s fear of going broke is destroying our marriage’ – The Blind Spot appeared first on KAYA 959.
