Zuko Komisa
Annonymous’s husband insists both his divorced parents, who had an ugly separation, must attend their 10th-anniversary wedding celebration.
This conflicts with the Announymous’s desire to protect her mother-in-law from the trauma and discomfort of being in the same room as her abusive ex-husband, which the writer fears will create intense tension and steal the joy from their long-awaited day.
“Uncle T, my husband and I never had a traditional wedding – he paid lobola, we signed, and we started our lives. So for our 10th anniversary, we finally decided to celebrate properly and have the big wedding we never had. Everything has been going smoothly … except for one thing: my father-in-law. My in-laws divorced years before lobola, and it was a very ugly separation. My mother-in-law wants nothing to do with her ex-husband, and honestly, I don’t blame her.
But my husband has always been clear: both his parents will attend. He says one day of peace is not too much to ask and that their issues shouldn’t overshadow our celebration. The problem is, I’m team Mom. I know what she went through with that man, and I fully understand why the thought of being in the same room with him makes her uncomfortable.
When we talk about the wedding, I literally see her body tense up. And that breaks my heart. I told my husband how I feel, but he won’t entertain it. He stands firm: this is our day, not their battleground. Now I feel stuck. I want our day to be beautiful. I want my mother-in-law to feel honoured, not retraumatised.
And I don’t want to force my husband to choose between his parents – that feels unfair. But I also can’t shake the fear that the tension, the awkwardness, and the unspoken history might steal joy from a day we waited 10 years to celebrate. How do we protect peace, respect both sides of the family, and still celebrate this milestone with joy? Should I stand with my husband and trust that the parents will behave for a few hours? Or am I hotspotting her pain, and it is blinding my judgment? What could be my blind spot?
– Anonymous”
Listen to the conversation here:
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