Zuko Komisa
Anonymous’s has a crisis of trust and financial alignment caused by her husband’s unilateral, unbudgeted purchase of a car.
This decision created an unplanned instalment that derailed their shared two-year plan to save for a house and leave their back room.
Anonymous feels blindsided and resentful, believing she is unfairly left to “carry the load” of consequences and figure out how to salvage their housing goal.
She questions how to build a life when they are on different financial pages and fears she is bearing the entire burden of their marriage alone.
“Uncle T, I’m really struggling with this. After lobola, my husband and I agreed we’d spend the next two years stabilising our finances so we could buy a house and finally leave the back room life. That was our plan – our shared dream. Then, in September, he came home with a car, something we never discussed and never budgeted for.
I was shocked. And when I asked him why, all he kept saying was that he “felt we needed a car.” But that doesn’t help us, Uncle T, because now we have a monthly instalment we didn’t plan for, and our house timeline is derailed. He blindsided me, he decided for both of us without involving me – but I must carry the load, and its consequences. I don’t know where the house will come from now, or how much longer we’ll be stuck living the back-room life I never signed up for. I’ve even considered moving back home because this is not the stability I imagined after marriage.
When I spoke to my mother, she told me these are the same things she went through with my father. She said sometimes, as a woman, you must stand up and build the life you want instead of waiting. But honestly, Uncle T, I don’t understand that thinking. How do you build a home when the two of you are clearly on different pages?
How am I suddenly the one who must figure out the house situation when he’s the one who derailed the plan? Can we ever get back on the same financial page – or does this mean “to each their own”? Most importantly, how do I move forward without feeling like I’m carrying this marriage alone?
– Anonymous”
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