Mapaballo Borotho
It is the season of giving, sharing, and spending the remaining days of the festive season with our loved ones. For many families, it is tradition to spend Christmas Day together, sharing meals, reflecting on the year that was, and creating new memories.
However, this may not be the case for everyone, especially those who are bereaved or have recently lost a close family member.
This Christmas may feel different for you. Perhaps the one person who held the family together is no longer here. It may be a cousin, a spouse, a mother, or even your child. Spending your first Christmas without them can feel surreal, and the longing for their presence can be overwhelming.
Feelings of grief often become more intense when confronted with missing faces and empty chairs at the Christmas table.
For the bereaved, instead of bringing joy, Christmas celebrations can serve as painful reminders of loved ones lost.
This article is for you. There is no single or “right” way to deal with grief or the loss of someone you loved, but as I write this, I hope it brings you comfort.
According to a group of psychologists from the Mind Health Collective, here are a few ways one can cope with grief during the holiday season.
Firstly, allow yourself to embrace all the emotions you are feeling in this present moment. It is okay to cry, to feel empty, or to feel let down. Forced happiness may cause you to struggle with your grief even more.
At the same time, you should also allow yourself to experience joy. You may worry or feel guilty about celebrating after losing someone, but try not to feel bad if you find yourself immersed in moments of happiness. Joy and grief can exist side by side.
When grief is still fresh, old traditions may bring up memories shared with your loved one and intensify your sadness. Instead, consider creating new traditions. Starting something new can help ease your grief, and it does not mean you are forgetting your loved one or the traditions you once shared. They will always live on in your memories.
You can also try hosting a small mourning ritual to honour the deceased, either alone or with your immediate family. This can help foster a sense of closeness and connection with your loved one, even though they are no longer physically present.
Rituals to honour a loved one during Christmas may include:
- Visiting their grave or a place they spent a lot of time at
- Lighting a candle
- Writing a letter with words left unsaid
- Cooking their favourite meal
Different strokes for different folks. These coping mechanisms may not work for everyone. It is also okay to take a break from celebrating Christmas altogether.
You might choose to do something different, such as giving back to underprivileged children in your community or spending time at a nearby animal shelter, especially if you are an animal lover. Acts of kindness can uplift your spirit in unexpected ways.
Lastly, share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust. This could be a close friend, a family member, or a colleague who is willing to listen and support you. They may not have solutions to your grief, but talking about it can ease the pain and lighten emotional burdens.
You are not alone. If you feel you have no one to turn to, consider reaching out to professionals such as counsellors or psychologists.
“It’s an honor to be in grief. It’s an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much.” — Elizabeth Gilbert
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