Okay, we gave each Lancs college a pop album based entirely on vibes

January sucks. Everyone is either in the gym, locking-in on studies, or trying out their newest new-year-new-me thing. But do you know what all of these things have in common? People are usually listening to music whilst trying to achieve their new goals.

And that is my awful segue into this article, specifically curated to help you decide which album you should choose to accompany you whilst you exercise, lock-in, or just walk to Aldi.

Of course, roastings or jabs at any college or artist is all in good fun. If you are a die hard fan of any of these singers or colleges (looking at you Bowland and Furness), please, please feel free to not complain to us.

Bowland – Midnights – Taylor Swift

Okay Bowland, you’re a big college, we get it, and you’ve been around forever, you don’t let anyone forget. Kind of like Miss Swift herself – she’s undeniably huge and been a staple of pop for a while now.

However, Midnights was really lacking in my opinion, just kind of empty inside but constantly in your face, kind of like Bowland’s bar. There was such hype around Taylor Swift’s tenth studio album, being announced during an MTV award show and everything, but I just never really gravitate towards it when I want a fix of modern pop. I think of it in the same way that everyone is in Bowland, but its kind of lacking in what facilities it offer (outside of the lovely JCR of course).

Please, please don’t come for me Bowland, Swifties, or Bowland-Swifties.

Cartmel – Melodrama – Lorde

Cartmel is so far away from the centre of campus, are you guys okay over there? I have no clue why you guys are so isolated, but you must be in your feels. What better album to assign than the deep-cutting rhythm of Lorde’s, Melodrama.

I don’t really know of anyone from Cartmel, and if I do, they keep it totally understated, similar to personal songs on the New-Zealand singers second album. So, when you’re trekking 5,000 miles to the library or County seminar rooms, maybe pop on a bit of Melodrama to help you contend with your feelings of loneliness.

Or don’t, I won’t be able to tell.

County – Brat – Charli XCX

County – you guys can party to say the least. What better way to keep the pres before Sugar or afters going than with the pop powerhouse that is Charli XCX’s Brat.

You guys like to do it big on celebrations, so the electronic beats and rave-vibes of Brat perfectly suits your vibe. I actually find it quite surprising you guys are so lively due to the fact your bar is usually dead (Bowland is crying in the corner), kind of like how Charli XCX is constantly performing shows and making appearances everywhere.

Plus, you guys’ reputation as a party college has been dragged out almost as long as Brat summer, autumn, winter, and spring.

Fylde –  Guts – Olivia Rodrigo

Forgive me, for I do not know much about Olivia Rodrigo other than that she’s a big deal in the modern pop world. Kind of similar to how people only know Fylde for one thing – you guys like sports.

But Guts was selected as it is a bit more upbeat and pumped up than its predecessor, perfect for you guys whilst you train, go the gym, or get ready for your numerous sport team socials.

Plus, every single time I am in Fylde bar, there is always people shouting, hooting, and hollering, so this chaos-induced album suits you guys down to the ground.

Also, I know the image is from a song on Sour, but she’s in a sports uniform, so it seemed pretty fitting.

Furness – White Noise for Studying

Furness is a unique college, the smallest of the university’s offerings and people kind of don’t know anything about it, except that the people who are in Furness would die for it. Kind of similar to the study habit of listening to white noise whilst studying.

No hate to either Furness or white-noise enjoyers, I respect it, I just don’t personally get it. I mean your JCR is dedicated, kind of like the die-hard defenders of white noise as a study aid.

I guess those that get it, get it and those that don’t will never, similar to you guys’ dedication to Robbie Williams’ Angels as your college song. Horrible song by the way.

Graduate – Vivaldi’s Four Seasons

Get it…it’s because you’re old. Such an original joke I know.

Seriously though, you guys have some intense studying to do and have a bed time of 8:30pm sharp so you can get up for chiropractor appointment to sort your aching bones. What better way to set a routine than the soothing rhythm of classical music.

You can even listen to it whilst setting up your pension. It’s up to you!

Grizedale – Future Nostalgia – Dua Lipa

Grizedale, you guys also like a good time as well. Yet, I still don’t know too much about you guys than you are kind of there, kind of like Dua Lipa.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of lovely people from Grizedale, just like I know a lot of people that will have a Dua Lipa song or two on their playlist. But, I just have never met anyone that is completely dedicated to Grizedale, just like I have never met a Dua Lipa super-fan.

Just like Future Nostalgia, everyone knows your college, but you aren’t really the first thought when it comes to colleges, just like people kind of forget Dua Lipa exists.

Lonsdale – 143 – Katy Perry

Guys, what are we doing? You’re all the way on South Campus, but you don’t even have a working bar?

The Lonsdale area has always seemed a bit like a ghost town, kind of like the line for Katy Perry tickets after 143 released. That’s not to say you guys didn’t have your heyday, you’re one of the oldest colleges there is. But just like Katy Perry herself, you guys are banking on the nostalgia of your legacy.

I love Katy Perry’s old stuff, just don’t ask me if I have heard anything from her after she grew her hair back, because the answer is no. The same answer is given if you ask me if I know anything about Lonsdale except the fact it’s one of the original colleges.

Pendle – AM – Artic Monkeys

Pendle. You guys kind of have a bit of a cultish vibe, kind of similar to Artic Monkeys fans. You guys will slip into any conversation that you are from Pendle, just like a fan of the Sheffield band who promises that they have a varied music taste because they listen to one of the most popular albums in recent history.

Pendle isn’t indie or a personality trait, just like listening to AM doesn’t automatically makes you the music connoisseur that people think it does. More so, I think the drawling vocals of Alex Turner and slower beats of this album suits how you guys live life slowly, which is honestly admirable.

The Lancaster Tab loves you really Pendle, please don’t kick us out of the Harpley Lounge at 6pm on Tuesday where we hold our weekly meetings (which all should definitely come to if I do say so myself.)

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Featured images before edits via YouTube.