Kim Kardashian has ruled reality TV for almost two decades — but her latest career attempt to branch out into serious acting has already been dubbed a crime against television. She joined a powerhouse line-up in Ryan Murphy’s legal thriller All’s Fair, which dropped its first three episodes on Disney+ and Hulu this week.
After months of promotion, All’s Fair was supposed to be Kim’s big “serious actress” moment. Instead, critics have been roasting her. One reviewer put it bluntly: “Does Kardashian make a convincing lawyer? No, she does not. She is to acting what Genghis Khan is to a peaceful liberal democracy.”
So, with All’s Fair flopping, let’s take a nostalgic trip down memory lane at all of Kim Kardashian’s biggest business fails — because she’s had a few.
2000s: Paris Hilton’s wardrobe assistant era
@KimKardashian pic.twitter.com/OwHMFbUFwe
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) June 17, 2017
Before she was the face of an empire, Kim was literally organising Paris Hilton’s closet.
She spent her early 20s sorting mini skirts and slogan tees that read “That’s Hot”. To be fair, she’s said Paris taught her everything about fame — including how to get out of a car without flashing the paparazzi. A valuable life skill, really.
2006: Dash Boutique
Kim, Kourtney and Khloé opened their first joint venture, Dash, in Calabasas. It was a boutique selling designer clothes to anyone who wanted to dress like a Kardashian before that was even a thing. They expanded to Miami and New York, but after 12 years, it quietly shut its doors in 2018. RIP to the OG Kardashian store.
2008: Dancing with the Stars
Kim tried her hand — and feet — at Dancing with the Stars but was eliminated after three weeks. Her partner, Mark Ballas, kindly said: “Dancing wasn’t her thing.” Translation: She had no rhythm.
2009: ShoeDazzle
Before “monthly drops” were a thing, Kim launched an online fashion subscription service for shoes and accessories. It actually made millions before being sold off to JustFab in 2013. A rare W in this list.
2010: The Kardashian Kard
Ah yes, the Kardashian Kard — a prepaid MasterCard that flopped faster than Kim’s first marriage. It was pulled from shelves after being slammed for its ridiculous fees. Not exactly the financial empowerment moment she was hoping for.
2011: Belle Noel Jewelry
Kim teamed up with designer Pascal Mouawad for a jewellery line called Belle Noel (after her middle name). It launched exclusively at Bloomingdale’s and was… fine. But it didn’t sparkle for long.
2011: Jam (Turn It Up)
Yes, Kim once released a pop song. It was called “Jam (Turn It Up)”, and she debuted it at TAO nightclub on New Year’s Eve. Critics called it “the worst song in the reality TV universe”. Even Kim later admitted singing wasn’t her thing. If you’ve never seen the music video, do yourself a favour and watch it.
2014: Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
Her mobile game was actually iconic. You could model, do red carpet events, and basically live your best virtual influencer life. It raked in $43 million and had 23 million players. Not a flop — just deeply unserious.
2015: Selfish and Kimoji
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Kim dropped a coffee table book called Selfish, which was literally just hundreds of her selfies. Then came Kimoji, a 250-piece emoji app featuring everything from her ugly crying face to booty gifs. It made millions, because of course it did.
2017: KKW Beauty and KKW Fragrance
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Finally, a success story. KKW Beauty turned Kim into a billionaire after she sold 20% to Coty for $200 million. But the brand shut down in 2021 for a “rebrand,” leaving us wondering what happened.
2018: Kim the Lawyer
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Kim’s long-running bid to become a lawyer has been more of a marathon than a makeover montage. She passed California’s “baby bar” exam in 2021 and finished her apprenticeship this year, awaiting her final bar results. Maybe she’ll soon be legally blonde (and brunette) IRL.
2019: Skims (finally, a massive win)
Her shapewear brand originally launched as “Kimono” — until everyone pointed out the obvious cultural appropriation issue. She rebranded to Skims, and now it’s worth billions. Proof that not all Kim’s ventures end in chaos.
Kim’s career has been a wild ride of questionable ventures, chaotic side hustles, and the occasional billion-dollar win. Sure, All’s Fair might have tanked, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned from two decades of Kardashian resilience, it’s this: Kim will probably just rebrand the flop and sell it back to us as a success.
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Featured image credit: Disney+, Instagram/@kimkardashian
