ASHLEY James has come under fire after admitting there are aspects of motherhood that make her “mourn” her “child-free life”.
The This Morning presenter is mum to four-year-old son Alfie and two-year-old daughter Ada with partner Tommy Andrews.
But Ashley came under fire after taking to her Instagram page to share an honest post about being a mother, including the fact that it’s her career that gives her “the deepest sense of fulfilment”.
“I would never, ever wish my kids away, but there’s a separate part of me that still mourns my child-free life,” she added.
Ashley added she misses “weekends of doing nothing but brunch, laundry, tidying the house and binge-watching TV”, and sometimes “fantasizes about being left alone (and being able to wake up naturally)”.
“I’d never trade my kids for anything but I am jealous of my friends without kids,” she continued.
Ashley also admitted she feels “overloaded with the endless invisible labour and mental load” of motherhood, and hates doing “everything” for her job and her kids and then feeling “like I have nothing left for myself”.
“I resent that dads get praised for doing the bare minimum whilst mums are expected to do it (and get judged for it),” she wrote.
Despite the admissions, Ashley concluded by saying that being her kids’ mum “is the greatest privilege”.
“I love them more than life and they’ve given me more empathy and love and purpose than anything in the world,” she said.
“And I’m so grateful that they are mine.”
Further explaining her outlook in the caption of the Instagram, Ashley added: “Some women love parenting and wish they could be at home full-time. Others find more fulfilment in their careers.
“Both choices deserve support.
“The real problem is the guilt women are made to feel either way.
“I was called selfish when I said I didn’t want children. And now I’m called selfish for wanting a life outside of my children.
“I adore my kids. They are my purpose. But we desperately need to drag these expectations out of the 1950s!”
As Ashley predicted, the post attracted comments from both sides – with some criticising her for the outlook.
“I’m not sure how to take this,” one wrote.
Different parenting techniques
Here are some widely recognised methods:
Authoritative Parenting
This technique will often foster independence, self-discipline, and high self-esteem in children.
It is often considered the most effective, this technique is where parents set clear expectations – enforcing rules – whilst also showing warmth and support.
Authoritarian Parenting
This is opposite to authoritative parenting, as it is where the parent sets high demands but is low on responsiveness.
It involves ensuring the child is obedient and often employ punitive measures. While this can lead to disciplined behaviour, it may also result in lower self-esteem and social skills in children.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents tend to be indulgent and lenient, often taking on a role more akin to a friend than an authority figure. They are highly responsive but lack demandingness, granting children a lot of freedom. This method can nurture creativity and a free-spirited nature but may also result in poor self-regulation and difficulties with authority.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is marked by low responsiveness and low demands. Parents in this category offer minimal guidance, nurturing, or attention. This often leaves children feeling neglected, which can have significant negative effects on their emotional and social development.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parents are extremely involved and overprotective, frequently micromanaging their children’s lives. Although their goal is to protect and support, this approach can hinder a child’s ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills.
Free-Range Parenting
Free-range parenting encourages children to explore and learn from their surroundings with minimal parental interference. This method promotes independence and resilience but requires a safe and supportive environment to be successful.
Attachment Parenting
According to Marriage.com, Attachment parenting focuses on physical closeness and emotional bonding, often through practices such as co-sleeping and baby-wearing. This approach aims to create secure attachments and emotional well-being, but demands significant time and emotional commitment from parents.
Each of these parenting techniques has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. The key is to find a balanced approach that aligns with the family’s values and meets the child’s needs for a healthy, happy upbringing.
“When I had kids, that’s when my life began. That’s when I felt there was meaning to life…
“Hearing you say you envy your friends who are child free when you have your very own kids doesn’t quite sit right with me.
“How does that even make sense? You wouldn’t change your kids for the world but you are jealous of your friends who have no kids? Your kids mean the world to you but your career is what gives you ‘the deepest sense of fulfilment’?
“As a mother myself, I would never even think about these things let alone share it with the world!”
“Wow – so much to unpack here…” another added.
“Really not sure where to start so i’m going to say nothing and unfollow.”
“As a mum I don’t really relate to this,” a third commented.
“I love my kids and they bring me the most fulfilment, more than my career.
“I think my greatest role is to be a good mum and raise healthy kids.”
However, there were those who praised Ashley for being so honest, and even said they wished others would do the same.
“There’s so much judgment wrapped around motherhood, as if it’s one universal path, when in reality, every woman’s journey is entirely unique,” one wrote.
“For some, life begins with motherhood – and that’s beautiful.
“For others, motherhood is one part of a rich, full life they’ve already built – and have aspirations to continue building – and that’s just as beautiful.
“There’s no single right way to be a mother, only the way that’s right for each individual.”
“Empty nester and post-menopausal over here! It’s blissful,” another said.
As a mother myself, I would never even think about these things let alone share it with the world!
Instagram commenter
“I personally resent that we even have to caveat ‘I really love my kids’ etc etc.
“I would die for my kids. But I love me too.”
“I have so many amazing mums and women in my life who I know fear saying the same,” a third commented.
“Thank you for saying it and I’ll definitely be sharing this with them.”
